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The Heartbeat International Response to openDemocracy's Claims

Timeline | Claims | Quotes

If you've seen openDemocracy's coverage of Heartbeat International, you may be wondering how Heartbeat would respond. The reality is, this is not the first media attack we've faced, and we've found that transparency is our best defense against these kinds of unfounded attacks. 

To that end, our president, Jor-El Godsey, responded in an open letter to our affiliates and supporters in response attack to this egregious attack . 

We've seen indication that openDemocracy plans to continue targeting our affiliates around the world going forward, and so we want you, our brothers and sisters in life and goodwill, to know the facts to be best prepared in contending with any future baseless attacks.

Regarding the group's claims, the reality is we received such little notice from them and so little detail as to what they planned to release, that it was impossible for us to look into the claims immediately. As they subsequently sent additional information, we have been able to clarify the claims, or at least what we believe to be the basis for these claims, given the limited amount of information provided.

Outright falsehoods aside, one problem with their purported investigative research into Heartbeat's affiliate centers is that many times they simply point to a region, and the claims have otherwise not been clear about what information was stated by whom, where and when. This approach, dubious at best, compromises the validity of the claims at the outset.

Most of the claims regarding the centers are rehashed from the false claims we've addressed for years in the United States. While this group and others may not like the science, it exists, and is our foundation for the information we give to women. 

Regarding the claims pertaining to Heartbeat's webinars, to be frank, this group is highly misrepresenting and/or cherry-picking information from the webinars without including any of the citations supplied that support our training. Essentially, they do not care that there are scientific studies that validate links between abortion and depression; abortion and cancer; and the negative effects abortion has on men.

Timeline

  • Nov. 2018: We launched PregnancyCenterTruth.com to combat the lies and validate the good work of pregnancy centers for such a time as this
  • Feb. 7, 2020: We learn of openDemocracy’s intention
  • Feb. 10, 2020: Key Heartbeat Staff provided openDemocracy the information below with expectation that it would be included in their reporting
  • Feb. 10, 2020: Heartbeat notifies all joint affiliate partners
  • Feb. 10, 2020: openDemocracy publishes hit piece against Heartbeat pregnancy centers titled "Exclusive: Trump-linked religious ‘extremists’ target women with disinformation worldwide”
  • Feb. 11, 2020: Heartbeat issues response
  • Feb. 11, 2020: openDemocracy launches a "Tracking the Backlash" campaign to smear pro-life, Christian pregnancy centers worldwide
  • Feb. 11, 2020: openDemocracy publishes “Revealed: US-linked anti-abortion centres ‘violating the law’ in South Africa”
  • Feb. 12, 2020: openDemocracy publishes “How openDemocracy is tracking anti-abortion misinformation around the world”
  • Feb. 12, 2020: openDemocracy publishes “European lawmakers demand action on anti-abortion misinformation”
  • Feb. 12, 2020: openDemocracy publishes “Revealed: US-linked anti-abortion centres ‘lie’ and ‘scare women’ across Latin America”
  • Feb. 13, 2020: Heartbeat emails all supporters and affiliates: Open letter denouncing Big Abortion attacks
  • Feb. 13, 2020: Pregnancy Help News publishes Jor-El’s letter
  • Feb. 17, 2020: openDemocracy publishes “‘You could die and turn your husband gay’. How I learned to talk women out of legal abortions”
  • Feb. 19, 2020: openDemocracy is interviewed on the BBC Women’s Hour
  • Feb. 24, 2020: openDemocracy publishes "Croatian MPs from nine political parties call for inquiry into 'crisis pregnancy centres'"
  • Feb. 24, 2020: openDemocracy publishes "Top Ugandadn health official condemns US-linked 'pregnancy crisis centres' for opposing contraception"
  • Mar. 9, 2020: openDemocracy publishes "Inside Italian public hospitals, I saw how a US-linked anti-abortion network is 'humiliating' women"

On this page, we provide a much more comprehensive view into each claim. We have reviewed the webinars they purchased, and were able to identify what they have chosen to misrepresent.  The intentionally left out citations and context are included below. 

Claims

An openDemocracy reporter listened to two of our webinars: Talking About Abortion: An Overview, and Abortion: the Basics (This one compliments another that the reporter did not view, and, in order to ensure transparency,we are happy to share access with you if you would like). 

The Talking About Abortion Overview training is designed to aid staff/volunteers in sharing important information about procedures and risks that empower the client to make an informed decision. It is not intended that staff/volunteers share all of the information with each client, but by educating staff and volunteers we ensure that they are equipped to discuss all risks, considerations, and concerns with clients.

To this end, as the training begins, the instructor states:

"With love and truth, our goal is to help the client understand abortion more fully, so that she can truly make an informed decision." 

The subsequent information shared in the training is detailed information about procedures, risks, complications, and considerations we believe women should be aware of in order to make an informed decision.

In the Abortion: the Basics, our presenter ends with the following:

"Our job is...to share accurate information with clients from a place of love and care...We let the women know the potential risks and consequences that abortion can have on their lives. Our clients have the right to choose an abortion, but they also have the right to know more fully what may be at stake in their decision." 

In regard to all the claims, at this time, we do not plan to put out multiple defense messages to refute each accusation they make. Instead, we plan to focus on the good work our pregnancy centers are doing throughout the world and the impact they have in their communities. We will continue to invest in our centers so they can be as effective as possible in creating a culture that provides compassionate help and support to women in need. In short, we’re more concerned about doing the work we’ve been called into and supporting our affiliates than combatting the unfounded and clearly biased accusations by openDemocracy.

However, we are happy to answer questions regarding their claims for our affiliates, supporters, and others who may be concerned. 

Claims that Heartbeat erroneously teaches that abortion increases women’s risks of abusing their children

  • In Heartbeat’s training materials, many potential side effects connected with abortion are listed, including anger as a side effect directed at husbands/boyfriends, citing a California Survey of Medicaid Patients.
  • Child abuse/neglect is listed as an associated risk. Actual narration describes it as one "Domino effect of drug and alcohol abuse"
  • "Because of the things we've already been talking about following abortion...all of this, these are all factors that are closely associated with child abuse. A greater incidence of child neglect or abuse with children that they have outside of the pregnancy that was aborted their other children are more neglectful of them or abusing them."
  • This is taken from a study by the Elliot Institute - Here's their footnote on the risk: 20. Benedict, et al., "Maternal Perinatal Risk Factors and Child Abuse," Child Abuse and Neglect, 9:217-224 (1985); P.G. Ney, "Relationship between Abortion and Child Abuse," Canadian Journal of Psychiatry, 24:610-620, 1979; Reardon, Aborted Women - Silent No More (Chicago: Loyola University Press, 1987), 129-30, describes a case of woman who beat her three year old son to death shortly after an abortion which triggered a "psychotic episode" of grief, guilt, and misplaced anger.

Suggestions that Heartbeat teaches abortion can ‘turn’ a woman’s partner gay

Misleading advertising, including some Heartbeat affiliates that present themselves online as pro-choice support groups – or abortion providers

  • There is nothing in either training accessed that indicate these claims. Our trainings on the topic highlight the importance of being honest in our advertising and ensuring online marketers working on behalf of centers are operating ethically. That being said, they could characterize any training on using keywords like "abortion information" as misleading.
  • Here again, they are misunderstanding/misrepresenting what Heartbeat is: We are a non-profit federation of faith-based pregnancy resource centers, medical clinics, maternity homes and non-profit adoption agencies. Heartbeat’s affiliates must adhere to basic principles that affirm alternatives to abortion and ensure non-discrimination, but all other matters of policy and management remain under the direction of the centers’ local leadership, allowing for autonomy. 
  • We are not a franchise model as they indicate in a few of their articles.

Staff at some Heartbeat affiliates offering ultrasounds without medical qualifications 

  • Our training emphasizes adherence to applicable laws and defers to the medical director as the authority for any individual organization.In addition, we have recommendations for finding a medical director and what steps need to be taken to provide high-quality, effective medical care.
  • From our Commitment of Care and Competence: Medical services are provided in accordance with all applicable laws, and in accordance with pertinent medical standards, under the supervision and direction of a licensed physician.   

Other applicable resources our centers have access to regarding abortion risks:

Quotes

The following quotes from key Heartbeat staff members were, for the most part, not included in openDemocracy's reports. When the below quotations were used by openDemocracy, they were attrbuted not to the individuals below, but to a "Heartbeat spokesperson," and were not used in their entirety.

Ellen Foell, Esq., International Specialist for Heartbeat International:

Heartbeat International stands firmly by “Our Commitment of Care and Competence" (CCC), while training continuously on it and promoting its use throughout the world, because we know that every woman deserves love and support during an unexpected pregnancy. No woman should feel alone, coerced, or so hopeless that she ends her child’s life through abortion. 

Since we work with pregnancy help organizations in more than 60 countries worldwide, we know that each country has its own abortion laws and cultural norms. 

The truth stands, no matter where you are in the world, that abortion ends the life of a developing human baby. While residents of different countries may communicate it in different ways, that is the definition of abortion.

And while different countries have their cultures and varied ways of communicating, the fact remains that abortion carries risks to women.

Cindi Boston-Bilotta, Heartbeat International Vice President:

We stand by all of our training resources designed for the pregnancy help community. “With love and truth, our goal is to help the client understand abortion more fully, so that she can truly make an informed decision,” as the presenter clearly stated at the beginning of our training cited in your report.

Women should have access to comprehensive information regarding all risks associated with any given medical procedure, no matter what that procedure might be. This is absolutely crucial to ensuring informed consent. Pregnancy centers look to scientific studies about the short and long-term effects of abortion in order to ensure that clients are empowered with facts before making a life-altering decision. (See "Additional References" document attached.)

Prior attempts to allege that pregnancy centers are remiss in the area of truth in advertising have been unsuccessful, with the pregnancy centers affirmed time and again by the courts. Heartbeat will vigorously defend the good work of our pregnancy centers and our commitment of care.

Betty McDowell, LSW, Heartbeat International Vice President:

Every woman has a right to know all the information before making an abortion decision. Denying women awareness of the emotional, psychological and physical risks that abortion can cause would be neglectful and dangerous.

Science has proven time and again that there are psychological and emotional risks for women involved with abortion, and for those providing care to women, it would be irresponsible to withhold this information.

Thank you for your patience while we reviewed openDemocracy’s claims and our training. We continue to stand behind our training and our affiliates. We hope that you continue to do the same.

You can find additional information about the good work of pregnancy help organizations at PregnancyHelpNews.com and at PregnancyCenterTruth.com. 

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Meet Rebekah

 

c36ca621a5bd9f22ed82eb87110f16dc LWhile still a 17-year-old high school student, Rebekah became pregnant with her first child. Determined not to become a stereotypical teenage mother, she managed to graduate early, get accepted into Sacramento State University and chose life, and parenting, for her first-born.  

During her first year of college, however, Rebekah realized she was in an unhealthy and potentially dangerous relationship. 

“I was about halfway through my freshman year of college and my relationship was physically and verbally abusive, and my young son was seeing it unfold. I knew I needed to leave,” Rebekah said. “But, right as I did, I found out I was pregnant again.”

This news was the culmination of Rebekah’s fears.“I was living with my parents,” Rebekah said. “My dad had always said, we`ve done a lot for you with your first pregnancy, so don`t ever let there be a second under my roof. Otherwise, I will kick you out.”

For the sake of her son, Eli, Rebekah began to consider her options. In her mind, there was only one—abortion. 

“I believed that having another baby would hurt my son’s life. I’d be losing my family’s support,” Rebekah said. “There goes our home, finishing college, and all of our financial, emotional, and practical support.” Though she was a Christian, “it was mind over matter—that there was no other way out and that God would just have to forgive me; after all, my heavenly father was forgiving, and my earthly father was not.”

After searching online, Rebekah learned about chemical/medication abortion and visited a clinic in Sacramento, CA. Abortion via pills is increasingly common and marketed as safe, convenient, less expensive, and easier to hide. 

“I was about six weeks pregnant and determined to start the chemical abortion that day,” Rebekah said. “I’m on the table and the tech comes in. I’d had a baby before and my ob-gyn showed me the ultrasound. This time, however, I waited for her to flip the screen. She never did. It was so strange to me that she wouldn’t let me see the monitor!” 

Rebekah caught a glimpse of the ultrasound print-out and asked if she could keep it, but was informed she would have to write a letter to the clinic’s director and pay a $35 fee. After becoming increasingly frustrated, she visited a Planned Parenthood facility in Sacramento. 

At this appointment, Planned Parenthood staff told Rebekah that although she was now seven weeks pregnant, they weren’t seeing a heartbeat and didn’t know whether it was a viable pregnancy. Because they were unable to draw blood, Rebekah was forced to return a week later and her abortion was, again, put on hold. 

The day was March 13, 2013. She walked into her final abortion appointment, and by this time, she was nearly eight weeks pregnant. 

“I’m holding the RU486 abortion pill in a cup and we’re talking about how simple it will be. I kept thinking, chemical abortions are supposed to be less invasive and less painful. My concern was that it would be easy to hide since I was living with my parents.” The clinic assured her it would be.

Deciding she had no other option, Rebekah took the first abortion pill and was sent on her way. “The clinic worker explained that the first pill would end my pregnancy. I was told the second pills were to be taken the next day, at home and over the toilet, and they would just expel my pregnancy.” “Looking back, I regret not asking how this all worked and not advocating for myself and my unborn baby more, but fear consumed me.” “I wish I had known that that first pill deprived my baby of progesterone, thus ending his life and that the second pills were used to induce labor in full-term pregnant women.”

It was a decision she instantly regretted. 

“I got into my car and thought, ‘Oh Lord, what did I just do?’ I started thinking about my son at home that I adored. I started thinking about the baby I was carrying and what that pill was doing to the baby. I started crying and praying,” Rebekah said. “It also hit me that the next day, March 14, the day I was to finish the abortion, was Eli`s first birthday. It would forever be a day I brought into this world and took another one out.”

While still sitting in the parking lot of Planned Parenthood, Rebekah googled options for reversing the abortion pill. After a seemingly fruitless search, she stumbled across AbortionPillReversal.com. 

On the site was a number, 1-877-558-0333, for women having second thoughts about taking the abortion pill. Although she felt ashamed to speak to anyone pro-life, Rebekah summoned the courage to dial the number. 

“A nurse explained to me that a new reversal-protocol had been recently released, which called for progesterone injections being put back into your body. She then told me I still had a chance of saving the baby.” 

Rebekah was referred to a doctor two hours away who was willing to give the injections a try.

“The doctor was hopeful, but it wasn’t 100 percent,” Rebekah said. “He immediately started progesterone until I hit about 13 or 14 weeks.”

Meanwhile, Rebekah’s family eventually found out and offered support she never imagined she`d receive. Her father told her, “when I threatened to kick you out, I was hoping it would scare you into not getting pregnant again. I never thought it would scare you into aborting my grandchild.” Through this experience, her mother also revealed to her that she had been forced into abortion as a teenager and that she wished she had talked to her about it when she was younger.  

Meanwhile, Rebekah was receiving multiple phone calls from Planned Parenthood wondering why she had not returned to her follow-up appointment to ensure the abortion had been completed. 

Eventually, she returned Planned Parenthood’s call to inform them of her decision to keep her child. She was told not only was her attempt to save her child likely impossible, but that if the baby lived, he would likely have severe fetal anomalies and she would put her own life at risk in the process.

“It wasn’t like I owed them any money and yet they were so angry,” Rebekah said. “I don’t know if they were so misinformed or if they were just lying.” 

Seven months later, Rebekah gave birth to a perfectly healthy baby boy named Zechariah, which means “the Lord remembers” a name she thinks is perfect for the little boy who was saved mid-abortion. He is now seven years old, healthy, and very smart. She also stayed in school and graduated from William Jessup University in 2017. Soon after, she married her husband, Kramer Hagan, and added two more children, Lydia and Jonah, to their family. Rebekah now works for Heartbeat International, where she helps women in similar situations and shares her story at events across the nation.

“Having a baby doesn’t ruin your life, it just changes it,” Rebekah said. “I’ve met so many women who regret their abortions but never met a woman who regretted having her child. Abortion is so permanent. It’s forever, and It’s going to change your life.” She went on to express, “I never imagined my life being as normal and amazing as it is now. All of this was waiting on my ‘yes’ to choosing life and ‘yes’ to following God`s plan. I am so grateful for the second chance at ‘choice’ that abortion pill reversal gave me.”

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Babies Go to Congress

2023BGTC Banner Concepts 1 

 button client storiesbutton news coverage

Heartbeat International’s Babies Go to Congress campaign may be one of the most powerful Pro-Life events on Capitol Hill. Just imagine your lawmakers meeting with women who chose life at our pregnancy centers! Working with our moms and the pregnancy centers, we are able to communicate with various congressional offices from both sides of the aisle. After all, who can turn away smiling mothers, with happy babies in hand, who share their stories of the love and support they found at their local pregnancy help center? 

One by one these moms will share their stories of how their local pregnancy help organization helped them through a difficult time in their life. Some with a pregnancy test, some with housing, some with ultrasound, and some with mentorship programs... each story is different but highlights the fact that once each woman entered the center, they continued the relationship with the pregnancy help organization.

Pregnancy help centers are great for America. We know this. Women know this. These centers provided resources and support when no one else did.

Meet our 2024 Babies Go to Congress moms and their babies:

ella bgtcmaverick bgtcelias bgtcevelyn bgtc

View the news coverage for our 2023 Babies Go to Congress event below: 


Additional articles can be found in Townhall, the Daily Signal, CBN, and CNS News, as well as coverage in our very own Pregnancy Help News.

With your support, Heartbeat International will be able to continue sending mothers and babies to Washington, D.C. every year to make a stand for life. Will you join us?

button support babies go to congress 1 

Many of you followed along as our moms and babies made their way through the halls of Congress proclaiming the life-saving, life-changing work of pregnancy help organizations. 

Thanks to your generous support, we have been able to take more than 180 moms and babies to D.C. to nearly 400 Congressional office visits since our first trip in 2009! Every one of these moms and their babies is living proof that pregnancy centers are great for America. 

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Meet Mackenzie

 

MackenzieUse2At 17 going on 18, the last thing you expect to happen to you is pregnancy. 

You see it on TV and think, “That’s never gonna be me,” or hear of a peer becoming pregnant and say, “Glad it’s not me.” 

Then it is you. 

You take the test and it’s the only test you’re hoping to fail, except you pass. So, you take another and another and another until you find yourself at the pregnancy center, Amanda’s pregnancy center (PHC of Artesia, NM) and you’re wondering what to do next. 

When I first met with Amanda, I was tired because I hadn’t slept since taking the first pregnancy test. I was scared because I was only 17 and had yet to tell a single soul, anxious because a million thoughts were running through my mind. And Amanda listened to every one of those thoughts and fears and worries. 

I didn’t want a baby; it was about to be my senior year of high school and I wanted to go to college and get started on my life first. Until I realized it wasn’t about just my life anymore. Through the help at the pregnancy center I learned my baby’s life was just as important as mine, and I learned the choice I made for my son was the most important choice I would ever make. 

I was scared, but the center helped me be confidently scared. 

I began attending their parenting classes. Yes, almost all of the women in the class had their husbands sitting next to them and yes, I was the youngest mother in the room. However, with each class I attended, I learned more and more about how I could actually take care of the little baby whose life depended on mine. 

I was scared, but I became excited. They were teaching us everything from parenting to the formation of the baby. I was learning nearly everything about being my baby’s mother and learning everything he was going through inside of me. 

The classes at the pregnancy center made me feel comfortable with having my baby and also helped me feel confident in the choices I made for my baby and my body. From the glucose test to the epidural, everything was my choice. I learned how to change a diaper, how to swaddle my baby, and how to properly breastfeed. I began feeling as if I could actually be a confident mother. 

Then the day came where my precious son was in my arms and it was at that moment that I found the definition and meaning of love. It was then I realized how amazing life was and how amazing it was to give life to him. 

Learning about my body, my child’s body, and the parenting process helped me become confident in being a mother. Then just six weeks after giving birth to my son, I was able to experience the whole process again with the pregnancy of my daughter, except this time I did not hesitate about my choice of choosing life. 

 

 

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Meet Mary

 

IMG 0593Prior to coming to HOPE, I felt scared and confused about my pregnancy. 

[My] baby’s father was abusive and had taken me to an abortion clinic, but when I got there, I was unable to go through with it. 

I had no clue what HOPE was or did, but I came across HOPE as I looked for someplace or someone who would help me during my pregnancy. 

This was my first pregnancy, and I was desperate for guidance and support. 

When I first arrived at HOPE, I met with one of the volunteers — or angels as I like to call them — and my initial sit-down with her literally changed my life. 

I was reassured that MY decision to keep my baby was one I could do and that I wouldn’t be alone. She made me feel brave and strong. As cliché as it might sound, I left the house full of “hope.”

I walked out with material items, but even better, HOPE paid for my first doctor’s visit. I was twenty weeks pregnant and had not been to the doctor once, because my job didn’t offer insurance, and I didn’t qualify for Medicaid. I don’t know how I will ever repay them for that. 

I was and still am in shock and disbelief that complete strangers would help me the way that they did. I cried the entire way home and told all of my loved ones about my visit. 

What HOPE does for struggling mothers and children in the community must be the work of the Lord. Even more than material support, HOPE has given me strength. I am reminded of how strong I am, and that my situation would be tough for anyone. But I can do it. I am a single mom who left her abuser, but I’m not alone. 

My son is now one year old and the support from HOPE continues. 

I participate in the Friends in HOPE mentoring program and am matched with a beautiful single mom who has a son my age and has been with me every step of the way. 

A donor to HOPE provided a free photoshoot and I was able to get professional pictures of my son and me. 

My job had to cut my salary, and HOPE prayed for me and helped with extra baby items. Now I have a new job with benefits, praise God. 

Because of HOPE, there is a place for people like me to turn to when they have nowhere else to turn. A place where I gained a whole new family. A place where they do the work of the Lord and share His hope.

 

 

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Meet Chelsea

 

ChelseaThe day I found out I was pregnant I was very upset and didn't know what to do. 

I had so many different emotions and knew that it was going to be very hard, especially with me still being in college. I didn't know how I was going to tell my parents, my family, or my church. I felt like a terrible person and didn't want anyone to know. 

After having two positive pregnancy tests I decided to go to Compassion Care Center. 

This was one of the best decisions I could have ever made. 

When I got there, I took another pregnancy test and it was positive, and then after that, I had an ultrasound. After I saw my little baby on the ultrasound I was at a loss for words. 

I had no idea what I was going to do. I had so many emotions and felt like I had no one. 

After my ultrasound, I talked to Shonda from the center about life and about this new baby. I let her know the way I felt and told her about all my emotions. I told her how scared I was to tell my parents, and how bad of a person I felt because of this. 

She sat down and talked to me and explained to me that this baby is a blessing. Even though this baby was not planned by me, God had it planned for me. She explained to me that even though I was still in college and living at home, she knew that I could do this and get through this. She let me know that she was there for me, and we ended up staying in contact even after that day. 

After we talked for a while about my life, and the new baby, we prayed together. After we prayed all my emotions just came out. 

I cried for a long time, but I was realizing after what she said that I can get through this, and I was going to do everything I could to be the best mom for this baby. 

Shonda gave me a bag with lots of information for new moms. 

I ended up going home after that and telling my parents. It was very hard for them to cope with at first, but eventually they accepted it. 

I started going back to Compassion Care every week after that to take classes, which offered videos about pregnancy and babies. 

Watching these videos helped me so much, because it was a lot of new information that I did not know. I learned a lot of stuff about pregnancy and caring for newborns.

I earned points every time that I came to watch these videos by viewing them and doing homework sheets. The points I earned I could use to buy stuff in the center’s store. The store had many different items that I could choose from, like maternity clothes, baby clothes, diapers, wipes, and toys. These items helped me tremendously. 

Without Compassion Care offering these classes and items, I wouldn't have known what to do. 

I have learned so many things that I didn't know before, and they have given me the best support. 

I absolutely love everyone there and appreciate everything that they have done for me. 

I just recently had my daughter and she has become my entire life. There are no words to explain the love you will have for your child. 

Many people would say those same words to me before I had a baby and I would not understand them, but after having my daughter, it all makes sense. She is my absolute everything. 

I know one thing though, if I would have not been involved with Compassion Care Center, I would have not been able to do this. 

They were a lifesaver, and I cannot express enough how thankful I am that they were there for me every step of the way. I hope that anyone who has this same experience will go to them and get the help that you need. They are truly a lifesaver. Thank you so much to Jennifer, Shonda, and Bonnie for giving me the support and help that I needed.

 

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Meet Brittni

 

brit and brantlee 2On February 1, 2018, those two little pink lines showed up on a pregnancy test from the local Dollar Store. At that moment, I knew my life would be forever changing. All I could keep thinking about was that I am going to be a mom.

Then panic mode set in. 

How am I going to tell my parents? What will they think? How am I going to do this without any of my family close by? How am I going to tell the father that I had only known for a few short months? What are people going to think about me? How will I afford taking care of a baby?  

The next chapter of my life was going to be different, but little did I know, it would be the best that I could ever have been given.

After having some scary moments and finally seeing that little blur on the ultrasound screen at the doctor’s office, I still did not know what God had in store for me and my baby.  

After talking with my church group, I was introduced to Heather and Reliance Center, when I was about 8 weeks pregnant. 

At Reliance they started mentoring me immediately and had me enroll in Embrace Grace, a program of support groups. 

While being mentored, I was finding my worth and who I was not only as a female but as a strong, single mom.   

Heather (the founder of Reliance) was not only my mentor, and a local leader for Embrace Grace, but a very dear friend who talks to you just like another human. We all make mistakes, but one of the best things about it is learning from those mistakes. Heather is one of the most amazing and real people that I know. She is not afraid to tell you about her own mistakes. 

Before I got pregnant, I was a hot mess. I did not know how much I was worth and how much God really does love me. I feel like Reliance Center, Heather and Embrace Grace, saved my life and let me know that I am worthy of so many things that God has in store for me and my son.

There were times during my pregnancy and afterward when I thought questioned whether adoption was the best option. Being a single mom with bills and doing it all on my own, I thought there was no way that I would be able to raise a little human on my own and give him everything that he needed. But every time I was struggling, I would visit or call Reliance, and they talked me through things, and I always felt better. During my pregnancy I had a lot of times when paying my bills were very hard. There were several times that I had to reach out to the Reliance Center and ask for resources to help paying for my rent and energy bills, and they were always there for me.

On September 28 at 1:10 a.m., I welcomed my son, Brantlee Lewis, into this big scary world. I always thought new moms were overreacting and over the top when they talked about being a mom - until I held Brantlee in my arms.  

He has opened my eyes and my heart like I have never seen or felt anything before.

After having Brantlee and living in my apartment, there were several times where I could not afford to pay for daycare or my electric bill. The Reliance Center has helped Brantlee and me in several ways that I am so grateful for. Other times when I felt overwhelmed or just needed to talk, and I was always met with grace and a place to vent. Without them we would not be where we are today. 

I have taken parenting and other classes at Reliance and they have impacted my life so much.  Even though Brantlee is only 11 months old, the parenting classes offer a way for me to learn new things and think about how I am going to raise him to the best of my ability. 

I would not be the mother I am today without Reliance Center and Heather in my life. She has taught me that God does love me, and He does not judge me for things that I have done in my past.

Not only did Reliance Center help me, they helped my son’s father. He started attending classes in their men’s program and learned so much. Even though he and I are not in a relationship any longer, I can rest a little easier knowing that he has been taught so many great things about how to be a dad. I believe they planted a seed in his heart as well. 

I let God into my heart when Brantlee was about three months old. At the same time, he was dedicated. Since Heather and the Reliance Center have helped us so much, it makes my heart happy to know that I am able to give back to them in any way that I can. 

Brantlee would not be here and the sweet, kind, big hearted, little boy that he is today without the help of his Auntie Heather and Uncle Rick. 

I am so grateful to be able to give back to the Reliance Center and help any of the mommas or ladies that come to the center. It makes me feel so good to be able to speak to people about this amazing opportunity that I have had.

Update: On New Years Eve 2020 Brittni got the keys to her Habitat House! Reliance Center nominated her and she did the hard work to receive a brand new home. She married in June of 2021 and received a promotion to a new position within the hospital where she works. Brittni will graduate in November with her degree in Health Information and Technology.

 

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Meet Mambo

 

IMG 5049When I first thought I was pregnant, my first reaction was to consider abortion, not because I didn’t want to keep the child, I just felt I was not prepared. I thought a child would sidetrack me from the dreams I had for my life; music, dancing, going to college and more. I was also nervous about judgment from my family, disappointment from people who looked up to me and falling into the teen mom stereotype. I did not look at it from a positive point of view, only a negative view and it took me getting out of denial before I could see the positive side. 

One day I went online and searched for free pregnancy tests and ultrasounds. I knew I first needed to find out if I was really pregnant. Since I did not want my parents to know, they couldn’t take me to the appointment. So, I researched questions about parental consent with hospitals and medical care. 

While searching, the very first ad link that popped up was from Alpha Women’s Center (then ICU Mobile Twin Cities). It said they give free pregnancy tests and free ultrasounds, and that I could know all results the same day. I clicked on the link, still unsure about my thoughts on abortion and still in disbelief about being pregnant. I hesitated for days, which turned into weeks, and as time went by, I didn’t know how far along I was in my pregnancy. 

When I finally called the Alpha Women’s Center number, I left a message on the center’s confidential line and I heard from Alpha’s nurse Jessica the next day. She introduced herself, explained her role and asked what I needed. I told her I wanted to know for sure if I was pregnant. Jessica answered my questions and explained that they offer information for people thinking about adoption or how to start prenatal care. We set up an appointment for a pregnancy test.

Leading up to the appointment day, I did not know how to keep it secret or how to even get to there, since I didn’t have a driver’s license. I finally asked a friend for a ride. She drove me there but did not know I might be pregnant. I expected an actual building and thought it would be easy to get dropped off and just go inside and my friend wouldn’t t know what I was doing. But when we got there, I saw the Alpha Women’s Center mobile truck and realize that is where I should go. I had my friend drive around in the lot as though I couldn’t find my appointment, but eventually, I had no choice but to have her drop me off in front of the truck. Then she asked me if there was something I wanted to tell her. She had a son of her own from a teen pregnancy, so I knew I could trust her, but I wasn’t ready to discuss it before my appointment. 

Once I went into the mobile center, Julie and Jessica asked to get to know me and let me know they would support me. Jessica explained the details of taking the pregnancy test very well, but I was still shaking, out of my mind, while taking the test. She showed me the results right away to say, yes, I was pregnant. First, I started crying, because this was reality, and my denial was coming to the surface. Jessica explained that we could do the ultrasound next if I wanted to, and not to worry, to not be scared. And then with the wand on my stomach we found my baby! 

Even though I was scared and nervous and didn’t really want to be pregnant, the moment I saw my baby on the screen my whole perspective changed! Seeing life inside me moving, I could not let him go, I could not go through an abortion. I was ready to put my whole life on hold. I was crying and it was happy tears. It was a lot for me as a 16-year-old who hadn’t told anyone I may be pregnant and had not even believed it myself. Jessica printed off the ultrasound pictures of Darrell and gave me lots of information about different types of adoptions, where to go for prenatal care, and she gave me prenatal vitamins. She told me I was five months pregnant, further along than I had been thinking. Now I immediately wanted to keep my child and no longer wanted to consider an abortion. 

About a month or so later my dad walked in my room one day and asked how I was feeling. I had been dropping hints about my pregnancy but still had not told him. We talked about how I was doing and school, and then he confronted me, and I had all those same feelings about telling him that I had earlier. I know he’d had a lot of trust in me and it would be hardest to tell him. Once he knew, I was relieved and scared at the same time. I knew he was trying to be supportive of me, yet he was also upset and disappointed. I was seven months along by then.

I needed to figure out a plan if I wanted to parent my son. I wanted to finish high school and go to college, but this would mean so much work, so I started to wonder, “How could I do all this?”  My dad asked how I would support my child and go to high school at the same time, and lots of other questions. I thought if I made sure that I was going to be ok, then I was going to be able to help my child be ok. I knew things were not the best with our relationship and I was losing my best friend in my dad, and it made me start questioning whether I could really do this, and whether adoption was the way I needed to go. But it hit me that I wanted to be there for the milestones in my son’s life, like starting to talk and walk, and all those things.  

IMG 7635As my family and I drifted apart, I grew closer to my son and felt less lonely. Sometimes distance helps people come back together, so I started thinking of living on my own. Instead, I went to live with another. My dad and my new family and I had a meeting along with Alpha Women’s Center nurse Jessica and Annie the director, creating a written plan for how to make it work. I moved in with Wendy and Miles and was welcomed into the family with open arms, without judgment or questions. I felt like I did not have to change who I was because of this gift they had given me. I have been getting to know a lot of how their family lives and their traditions, and it opened my eyes to how to teach my own son and it’s made it easier. I missed my family, but sometimes times being apart is better. Wendy and Miles really pushed me to get my summer school done, and start my drivers-ed classroom instruction and helped me get rides everywhere, and to get a plan for the final two months before my son was born. 

Suddenly it was time for the big day of Darrell’s birth. My short-term goals were met, like finishing summer school. And I passed my driver’s permit test just two days before I went into labor. I didn’t know how I would do all that, yet I was able to with Wendy and Miles pushing me on, and it made me feel accomplished like if I keep doing this I am going to be able to make it, and how I can push myself after I have my son.  

Being in the labor room gave me time to connect with the main people who pushed me to accomplish what I needed to do: my parents, my best friend, my new family, and Jessica. Being able to share that special moment with those who had pushed and supported me, made it so special. The pictures after Darrell’s birth will be great in the future for when he will get to see who was there with me to help bring him into this world. It meant the world to me. When I was able to see my parents there, regardless of our ups and downs, it helped me see what family is. Family is there regardless of arguments and disagreements, and family is always there for each other. I will teach my son, all those people around you that are who you call when you need help, and you can’t make it without your family.

Now looking at it from starting the journey to taking care in raising my own child, now I see my parents’ view about how kids do grow up fast. And Darrell will soon have his own story too, but it started with how he got here. Then he can think, “My mom did it and followed her dreams, regardless of the obstacles in her way, and those who did not think she could do it. She stuck to true to who she is.” You make it as far as you push yourself. You can’t do it if you don’t believe in yourself. And it matters who you spend time with, so seek out those who will support you.

Being a teen mom does not mean my story has to end, it means it is just beginning. Now I feel like my life is starting, as I live my life for my son. I want my story to be heard so other girls will not feel alone. Hard things might happen but let them teach you to get back up and be even stronger.

 

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Meet Autumn

 

Autumn Holcomb 1

I was in a relationship that seemed perfect on the outside but was very abusive and manipulating. 

I had been basically brainwashed to believe anything he said was right; I was always wrong. 

I endured years of mental and physical abuse. I never acknowledged the abuse as abuse until I got out of the relationship. 

Even after months of him cheating and my letting him push me around, I agreed to have a baby with him. I thought agreeing to have a baby for him would “change” him. 

After I became pregnant, he told me he only got me pregnant so that I would be “his forever” and not because he wanted me to have his baby. 

He continued to be verbally and physically abusive, but I stayed because I loved him and just “knew” I could help him change. 

Our baby was born prematurely and required a two-week NICU stay. 

I stayed in the NICU the entire time with our baby completely alone, and he only visited once for about 30 minutes. 

When I finally got to come home with our baby, the relationship just got worse. 

We fought often and when I finally realized how unhealthy the situation was, I decided to take our boy and move out. 

It was then that I decided to apply for nursing school and even made it through the process of interview rounds. 

About two weeks before my interview for nursing school, he asked me to come over, so I did. 

He and I had an argument which resulted in him pushing me hard enough that I fell and broke my arm. I made up a story that I had just fallen and broken my arm, which I told often that I eventually believed it myself. 

I continued to let him get away with his actions. 

I had to have surgery the same week as my nursing school interview. At that point, I was going to give up on even trying for nursing school. 

My administrator at my job heard about what had happened and knew I needed more help than I was willing to ask for at that time, ad introduced me to Juli Merciez at The Cottage. 

If it wasn’t for chatting with Juli, I would have not gone to my nursing school interview. Juli helped me when I didn’t know how to help myself. She helped me move into The Cottage residential maternity home where I was provided with everything my son and I needed. Juli helped me prepare when I received my admittance letter for nursing school and helped me grow more with God. She even pinned me when I graduated as an LPN. 

After taking the NCLEX (National Council Licensure Examination for nurses) and receiving my LPN, I continued to work at my current employer as a charge nurse and then as a wound care nurse. 

Nearly a year later, I met a man who I fell head-over-heels for. He was very respectful toward me and my son. 

I was with him about nine months before I became pregnant with my daughter. I found out while I was out of state for vacation and was instantly full of mixed emotions.  It wasn’t supposed to happen, I wasn’t ready by any means to have another baby. 

I told him when I got home from vacation. He was excited as can be. He did not have any kids of his own and was ready to have his own child. While I was away, he had picked up the habit of excessive drinking and taking pills. 

Even though he was initially excited, he changed over the following weeks. He told me it was not his baby, said some other nasty things to me and that I should just go have an abortion. 

It was then that I called Juli. I didn’t want to bring another child into my crazy messed up life. I needed help to find a place that performed abortions but didn't know where to start. 

She listened to my concerns and prayed with me to make the best decision. Juli helped me understand that God gives His toughest battles to His strongest soldiers. 

I decided to continue with my pregnancy, and I broke up with the father. He later got into trouble and went to prison, missing her birth and most of my pregnancy. 

I thought every day that there was absolutely no way I could do this alone. But I’m not alone. I have God in my circle even when I don’t feel like I have anyone. 

Becoming pregnant the second time really opened my eyes much more to how necessary it was for me to become involved in church. I began to make it a habit to go every Sunday and even to the occasional services on weekdays. 

My baby girl is now nearing three months old. I’ve taken care of all my responsibilities and have even advanced in my role at work to an administrative nursing position. Had I never met Juli when I did, I cannot say I’d be where I am today. Even to this day, she continues to be there for me when I need help or even just advice. 

 

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